Not Lost Just Wandering
by lemonlime7up8
Summary: Takes place after Raife's death. Ashley hasn't met Spencer until after his death. You know how these things go. TW: talks about death/grief
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own SON and all those good things.**

**A/N: The whole story is told from Ashley's point of view. **

* * *

He was the beloved Raife Davies. He was a natural-born rocker. The world loved him almost as much as I did, as much as I do.

We're living off his pension and when I turn eighteen I can finally access my trust fund. Until that day I'm stuck here. I'm stuck in this place.

L.A. has its perks. There are good parties, you can see some good live-music, and the weather is nice. Otherwise, it pretty much sucks. The people here are horrible and close-minded.

I never saw my dad that much, but I loved him very much.

Well now he's gone. I'm gone.

I feel gone. I feel empty. I feel lost.

Right now I'm at school. I barely show up anymore but when I do, I tend not to pay attention anyway.

"Hey, Ash," I hear from behind me. I turn around in my sit.

"Yeah?" I ask Aiden.

"You okay?" he asks quietly. I nod. I am okay because I feel absolutely nothing. He sighs and looks up again. He doesn't believe me. I don't care.

He acts like he still cares about me, but he doesn't.

The day goes by slow. It drags on and on. My head hurts. I just want to leave. Class ends and I rush out the door.

I need to go somewhere. Home. I don't have a home. I have a house. It's empty. It doesn't feel right. I don't want to stay at school.

I go to the beach.

I sit for a while. I take out my guitar and play for a while. Music is the only connection I have with my dad anymore.

Music is the only thing that makes me feel anymore. It gets dark. I leave the beach and drive back to my house.

"You're home late," my mom says when I walk through the door.

"Not like you care," I say back. She rolls her eyes and turns back to the television. "You're home early."

"Ashley," my mom begins to say.

"Save it," I tell her and walk up to my room. I slam the door behind me. Fuck. Fuck all of this. I grab my keys and the leave the house again. I'm angry. I need to do something.

I go to Ego. It's a club by night and café by day. Aiden is here with Madison, but I blow right past them.

I know who I'm looking for. I'm looking for Carmen. I see her dancing with some girl. I walk up to her. I step in between her and the girl.

"Hey," she says harshly and then notices it's me. She smiles and takes my hand. She leads me to the bathroom.

She shoves me against the wall. She kisses me hard. I don't know why I do this. It doesn't make me feel anything. I don't even enjoy it.

Her lips travel to my neck while her hands fumble with the button on my pants. Someone walks in.

"Let's take this back to your place," she says. I nod. I drive. We don't talk the way there. We've done this a million times. She pulls out a small bag of coke from her pocket. She spills a pinch on the base of her hand and then snorts it. The best part of hooking up with a drug dealer is the free drugs. But she takes whatever she gets her hands on in the morning so I guess it's not really free.

I pull into the driveway. My mom's car is gone. I guess she decided to go out for the night after all. Kyla is here though. Kyla my new 'sister'. She showed up after the death of my father claiming to be his kid. She's not all that bad. She's trying at least which is more than anyone has ever done. I had decided to give up fighting her and just accept that she's in my life now. When I did that, I realized she wasn't that bad after all.

Carmen pulls me into my bedroom. She pushes me back against the bed. She tears off my clothes roughly. I don't even have the energy to undress her so she does it for me. She pulls me apart. I let her fuck me. I do the same to her. It doesn't mean anything. None of this means anything.

I wake up in the morning and she's gone, along with all the money in my wallet. I'm not surprised.

I hear a knock on my door. Kyla walks in holding coffee. She hands me a cup.

"Thanks," I tell her. She nods.

"Carmen again?" she asks. Kyla has a way of prying herself into my business. I shrug. "Ashley, do you want to talk?"

"No, Kyla, I'm fine," I tell her. She gets the point and leaves. Off to another day at school. I drive to school tired and worn out.

I go to my locker. My head hurts. This place gets overwhelming. I don't think I can handle it today. I slam my locker and start heading towards the entrance. I run into someone. They drop their books.

"I'm sorry," I murmur as I bend down to help them. I look up and see a blonde with these big blue eyes.

"It's my fault. I'm new around here. I still don't know my way around school," she says. I nod. She smiles at me. I feel a little bit warmer. I don't know why.

But then my head starts to hurt more. I feel faint. I brush past her so I can leave. I get in my car and drive.

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**I hope you guys liked the first chapter. Follow me on tumblr: www. alongwayhomefromhere . tumblr .com so we can be best friends and talk about south and all those good things. Have a nice day.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to South of Nowhere and all those good things**

* * *

"Look, Ashley, I know it's been a hard time for you but if you don't start showing up for class you're going to fail," my English teacher tells me. She called my mom in for a parent meeting. I'm surprised she actually showed up.

"I can assure you that Ashley will be going to school from now on," my mom tells her. I roll my eyes and look down.

My mom thanks my teacher for her time and gets up to leave. I follow her out of the office.

"We'll talk about this at home. For right now get to class," she tells me. We both know that we won't talk about this at home.

I go to class. I try to slip in unnoticed but everyone turns my way. I hand my excuse slip to my teacher and sit in the back of the room.

In front of me is the same girl from yesterday. Normally I wouldn't remember a girl that I bumped into in the hallway, but it's very obvious she's not from around here. She turns around like she knew I was staring at her and smiles at me. I put on my best fake smile and smile back.

She turns back around in her seat.

After class she comes up to me. "I never got your name yesterday," she tells me. "I'm Spencer."

"Ashley," I say extending a hand to her. Her hand is warm and soft. It feels nice in mine. I have this urge to hold it, but I let it go.

"It's nice to meet you Ashley," she says.

"You too," I tell her.

"I guess I'll be seeing you around then," she says.

"I guess so," I reply.

At lunch Aiden comes and sits by me. "Hi, Ash," he says. Aiden. I used to love Aiden. Aiden used to love me. Aiden no longer cares and neither do I.

"Hi, Aiden," I reply.

"How are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm fine, Aiden," I tell him.

"Are you going to the party tonight?" he asks.

"I wasn't planning on it," I told him. I planned on going home and sleeping for the rest of the weekend.

"You haven't been to a party in weeks. That's not like you," he says.

"I'm just not feeling it," I tell him.

"Ashley…" He begins to say, but I see the look on his face. I've seen this look so many times in the past couple of months.

"Save it, Aiden, really I can't deal with this right now," I tell him. I don't want anymore 'Are you okays?' and 'I'm here if you need me.' What I need is everyone to leave me alone. No one actually cares and it's stupid to pretend that they do.

I get up and leave the table. I can't leave school or else my mom will guarantee that I don't get my trust fund. I can't breathe, and I need air.

I rush off to the music room. I tell myself to breathe.

Breathe. Just Breathe. I repeat this over and over until the knot in my throat goes away. I'm okay. I'm fine.

No one is in the music room since it's lunch. I take a guitar and strum for a while. At least this calms me. And for some time I truly feel okay.

After school, I go home. I throw my backpack on the ground and fall onto my bed. On my bedside is a picture of my dad and me. I look at it. He looks so happy. I look so happy. I was happy.

This picture is making me overwhelmed. This room is suddenly overwhelming.

I get into my car. I text Aiden.

"I think I might go to that party after all," I text him. He replies with smiley face.

I park two blocks away from the party to make sure my car won't get hit by some drunk idiot. I watch some people stammer out of the door before entering it myself.

I head to the kitchen and grab a beer. I open and chug it down fast.

"Ash," Aiden says from behind me. His arm is around Madison. I notice the new girl standing next to them, taking in the place.

"Do we really have to talk to her," Madison whines. Aiden ignores her.

"Hi," I say quietly. I regret my decision to come here, but I don't want to be home either.

"I'm glad you came," Aiden says. Madison rolls her eyes and grabs his arm. She drags him off to god knows where.

Spencer is standing there alone. She looks kind of awkward there just looking around.

"Hi, Spencer," I say. She looks at me. She smiles. I get that warm feeling again.

"Hi, Ashley," she says. "Enjoying the party?"

"Not really," I tell her, "You?"

"It's not really my thing," she tells me. I nod.

"Umm….I know a place if you want to go?" I say, more like question.

"That sounds kind of sketchy," she says with a smirk. Thinking back at what I said, I see how she got that impression.

"I meant that I know a quiet place at the beach. It beats this party," I explain quickly. She laughs quietly.

"Sure okay," she says. I lead her to my car.

"Do you play?" she asks gesturing to my guitar in the back seat.

"Yeah, a little," I reply.

"I'd like to hear you sometime," she says.

"Yeah, maybe," I tell her.

I drive to the beach. We don't talk much on the way there. She looks out the window, taking in the city.

When we get to the beach, I lead Spencer to my favorite spot. We sit.

"So tell me about yourself," I say to Spencer.

"Well, I moved from Ohio. Things here are pretty different. I'm a cheerleader," she says.

"Explains why you were hanging out with Madison," I say.

"What, you don't like Madison?" she asks me.

"Yeah, we don't really get along," I reply. She nods.

"And what about you," she asks me.

"Not much to tell," I reply. I really don't like to talk about myself.

"I'm sure that's not true," she says. I shrug my shoulders. She sighs.

"What would you like to know," I say. She smiles.

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**I know the chapters are short. So would you guys rather have longer chapters and wait longer to read them or shorter and have me post them earlier. Also do you like the style of it so far and what not?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own any rights to SON and all of those good things**

** kirax29: thanks, that's so sweet. So I'll be trying to write as much as I can, but I'm in the process of moving and stuff so yeah sorry if some of them take a while **

* * *

"You did not date Aiden," she says shocked.

"I did," I say in a matter of fact manner, "I dated him for two years."

"Hmm… interesting," she says. I raise my eyebrow at her.

"What's so interesting about it?" I ask. I knew she was new here, but me dating Aiden is not like a secret.

"I've heard things about you," she says, "But I didn't hear that."

"Yeah? What kind of things?" I ask smirking at her.

"Just things," she says.

"Must not be too bad if you're here with me right now," I say.

"You're optimistic," she says smiling at me. I laugh.

"Sure, I'm very optimistic," I say. She looks at me confused. I look away. She doesn't know me yet. I look at my phone. "It's getting late. Do you want me to take you home?"

"Sure," she replies. I like the silent car rides with her. I get the same calm sense that I do when I'm sitting at the beach. There is no pressure. I wonder why.

I pull into her driveway. "Well thanks for the night, Ash," she says. Ash. Where did that come from? I get that warm feeling again. I get a feeling. I feel something.

"You too," I say. She nods and gets out of my car. "I'll see you Monday, then?"

"Yeah, of course," she replies. I smile. It's a real smile. "That one's real." I guess I'm not as good as I think with all the hiding. She shuts the door and walks up to her door. I wait till she's safe inside before driving away.

When I get to my house, I head straight for my room. Kyla stops me in the hallway.

"This is new," she comments.

"What's new?" I ask.

"Normally on a night like tonight, you'd have some girl over right now," she says.

"I'm not really feeling it tonight," I tell her.

"I know what you mean," she says. I notice the bowl of ice cream she holding, and I hear John Mayer playing from her room.

"Do you think you might want to watch a movie?" I ask her. I shouldn't let her suffer alone. She smiles wide.

"I would love that, Ashley," she says happily. I let her pick out the movie. It's some romantic comedy. She falls asleep halfway through. I pull a blanket over her and go to my room.

I crash down onto my bed. I know I won't sleep, but I lay there anyway. It's been months since I've had decent sleep. When I do fall asleep, I have nightmares or I wake up every hour or so.

After about an hour or two, I drift off to sleep.

_It's dark. I'm at a concert. _

_I look on stage. My dad is there. He's playing a solo. He's smiling. He's happy. _

_It fades to black. _

_There's a car. There is smoke coming out of it. I walk slowly up to it. I peer inside. He's not breathing. I'm not breathing._

I wake up in a cold sweat. It's three in the morning. I don't want to go back to sleep. I go down to the kitchen and make a cup of coffee. I sip it slowly and just sit.

Sometimes when I'm alone, my mind just drifts off to that night. I think about the call. And then I rushed to the hospital. They told us that he died instantly, on impact. My heart dropped. I sunk to the ground. I remember crying a lot. That was the first night I had a panic attack. They've been happening ever since that night.

I finish my cup of coffee. 4 a.m. I go back up to my room. I try to fall asleep again. My mind drifts to the night I just had with Spencer. I haven't feel that sort of ease with someone since Aiden. Mind drifts to Aiden.

Aiden loved me once. He really did, and I really loved him. Then after a while when he told me he loved me it felt fake. It seemed liked he no longer cared for me. I guess I was right because he broke up with me after some time. Then he started dating Madison. I probably would have just let them be, but Madison felt threatened by me. So then she and I stopped being friends. And now my dad is gone, and I somehow lost everything I've ever cared for.

Empty. Empty is what I feel. Empty. Lonely. Maybe they're the same thing.

* * *

On Monday, I go to school. It starts off as a slow day until Spencer sits by me at lunch.

"Hi, Ash," she says. Ash. She said it again.

"Hey, Spencer," I say. I'm surprised she's sitting by me. The table of cheerleaders is looking over at us. "Are you sure you want to be sitting with me?"

"Why wouldn't I?" she asks and tilts her head to the side.

"Well you did say you've heard stuff about me," I reply. She waves her hand at me.

"It's their problem not mine," she says. She smiles at me. At lunch she tells me more about herself. She tells me about her family. Her family is hardcore Catholic. This adds to my confusion of why she's sitting with me. Her two older brothers also go to school here, Clay and Glen. She gestures towards the 'jock' table and points out Glen. She looks around for Clay but can't seem to find him.

She asks me about my family but then the bell rings. I rush off to class to avoid the question. I leave a very confused Spencer behind at the lunch table.

At the end of the day, she meets me by my locker.

"Have dinner with me tonight," she says.

"Why?" I ask. It's not that I don't want to; it's just weird having a friend around.

"I want to get to know you better," she says. "I want to be friends with you, Ashley." She says my name slowly.

"Okay," I say. She smiles. I give her my number, and she says she will text me later.

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**I'm always open for suggestions/criticism if you guys have any. Thanks for reading. Have a nice day :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own no rights to South of Nowhere and those good things**

**A/N: I'm sorry it's so short. I'm still moving and stuff. And I'm on vacation so I tried to get this up the best I could.**

* * *

Spencer insists on picking me up. I put on some nice clothes.

"You look nice," Kyla comments when I walk down the stairs.

"Thanks," I reply. She smirks at me.

"Why are you dressed so nice, Ashley?" she questions accusatorily.

"I have dinner with Spencer," I say.

"What kind of dinner?" she asks as she raises her eyebrow at me. I walk over to the counter and set down my purse.

"Just a dinner," I say, "It's nothing big, calm down." She shrugs her shoulders. My phone beeps.

"Here," Spencer texts. I smile at the text. I go outside to meet her. She drives a small red Prius. It's cute for her. I get in.

When we drive to wherever she's taking me it's quiet like usual. The silence is comforting like normal. I think I could get used to this. I want to get used to this. The warm feeling stays in my stomach for the rest of the car ride there. It's nice to feel something for a change.

She pulls into some diner.

"Here we are," she says and turns off the engine. I nod. I follow her into the diner. She picks out a booth and sits down.

Our waitress comes over, and we order our food.

Then I hear it. It's his song. I guess it's about time that I hear him in public. My heart starts to race. I can feel that I'm about to cry. I don't want Spencer to see me crying. I slide out of the booth and head for the door.

"Ashley? Where are you going?" she asks. She gets up in follows me. The tears are already falling as I walk outside. "Ashley? What's wrong?"

I shake my head. I'm trying to speak, but I can't. She pulls me to the car. She pushes me in and buckles me. I'm sobbing. My head hurts. My body hurts. I can't breathe.

She drives, and we end up at the beach to the spot that I first took her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks. I do. I do want to talk about. I haven't talked about it at all. I want to cry into someone. I want to show my pain. I don't want to hide it anymore. I want to feel. I want to feel all of this for the first time.

"The song," I begin to say, "It was my dad." She nods. "He..umm… he passed away a couple months ago."

"I'm so sorry, Ash, I didn't know," she says.

"It's not your fault," I reply.

"Were you close to him," she asks.

"Yeah. He was usually on tour and stuff. I didn't see him much but when I did, it was good. Him and I just connected in a way I can't with my mom. We both have….had our music," I explain. She listens attentively.

"Has it been hard?" she asks. I stay for a silent. I look at her. She's looking at me. She not looking anywhere else but me. She's listening. I want to tell her the truth. I want to let her in.

"Yes," I say. She pulls me into a hug. It's warm. It's nice. I feel something. She offers for me to sleep at her house. I say yes because I don't want to go home to my mom.

When we get to her house, she introduces me to her parents. Her mom doesn't seem to like me very much, but her dad was nice.

She leads me to her room. It's small and cute. She has pictures all around her dressers. Her walls are a light shade of pink. There are still boxes unpacked in the corner. She sits down on her bed. It looks like a double.

She pats next to her. I sit down. "Do you want to talk more?" she asks quietly. I shake my head no. She nods and turns on the television. We're watching some late night comedy show. She scoots up on her bed and lies down.

"Come lay down," she says hesitantly. I nod. I go lay down by her. Her bed is comfortable. We watch for a while. I notice that somehow we had gotten closer. She's right next to me and our arms are touching. Her skins is soft and warm. It's comforting. I drift off to sleep.

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**Thanks for sticking out my slowness. Thanks for reading. Have a nice day. Let's be friends and message me on tumblr :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own South of Nowhere and all those good things**

* * *

When I wake up my legs are sprawled on top of Spencer's. I slowly move them off her. I lay on my side and face her. She stirs and wakes up.

"Morning," she says sleepily.

"Morning," I reply. She looks at me and smiles.

"I'll go make coffee," she says jumping up out of bed. I don't know how she's full of energy after she just woke up. She leaves the room. My phone buzzes.

"Where are you?" Kyla texts me.

"Spencer's," I reply.

"The new girl?" she texts.

"Yeah," I text back.

"Did you sleep with her?" she texts back.

"No, it's not like that. She's not like that," I text. Spencer comes back, holding two cups of coffee. She hands me one.

"Thanks," I say, "Thanks for everything."

"It's nothing, Ash," she says. I smile. "So are you going to the dance tonight?" I laugh. "What's so funny?" she asks.

"I'm not the dance type," I tell her.

"What makes the dance type?" she asks.

"Well the preps and the wannabes," I reply. She shakes her ad smiles.

"Go for me," she says. I sigh. "Please." She pouts.

"Fine, okay," I give in. She squeals.

"Thank you," she says. She hugs me. It's warm and nice. I like it. I want it to continue, but she pulls away.

"So I guess I'll see you tonight then," I say standing up to leave.

"I guess so," she says.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Kyla asks when she walks into my room.

"Getting ready for the dance," I tell her. She sits down on my bed.

"You don't go to dances," she replies.

"I know, but Spencer asked me to go," I said, "I couldn't turn her down."

"So you and Spencer?" she says.

"She asked me to go as a friend," I explain.

"I think it's nice," she says. I look at her. "That you have a friend. You seem happier."

"She's nice," I say back. "Are you going?"

"Yeah, I don't have a date or anything, but I'm going with a few friends," she says. I nod. "I guess I should go get ready. Oh and Ashley, you look nice." I smile.

"Thanks," I say back. My phone buzzes. It's Spencer.

"I'm outside," she says. I grab my purse and head out the door. She's standing outside by her car. She's wearing this low-cut blue dress. Her hair is up. She waves at me.

"Wow, you look beautiful," I tell her.

"You're not so bad yourself," she says. We get in her car and head to the dance.

"Are you nervous?" she asks.

"A little bit," I reply.

"If it gets too much or anything we'll bail," she says. I nod. We walk in. Everyone is dancing. Aiden and Madison are standing in the corner talking about something. Madison notices that I'm here.

"Who let the queer in?" she asks loudly walking up to me.

"Just leave it alone, Madison," Aiden says. Madison gets real defensive now.

"Really though, she's probably only here to check out girls in dresses," she says vociferously.

"I only came here to see you, Madison," I say sweetly, "I just want one dance." She scoffs. And then his song comes on and everything gets too much. Spencer looks at me. She puts her hand on my shoulder.

"Do you want to leave," she whispers in my ear. I shake my head no. I listen. There are tears in my eyes. I grab her hand and lead her out to the dance floor.

"Is this okay?" I ask. She nods. We dance slowly to his music. It feels nice to listen to it. Then Glen pulls us apart.

"What are you doing?" he asks Spencer. She pulls him aside. It looks like they're fighting. I'm just standing here in the middle of the dance floor listening to my father. It looks like Spencer and Glen are really going at it. Then she pushes him aside and walks back over to me.

"I'm sorry about that," she says.

"What was that all about?" I ask.

"Nothing," she says quietly.

"Are you sure?" I ask. She nods. I take her hand and lead her outside. "Dances suck." Whatever her brother said to her really upset her. "Do you want to come to my house?" She nods.

She drives, and I tell her where to go. I bring her to my room. She's quiet. "Spencer, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she replies. She's not going to talk to me.

"Okay," I reply. She looks around my room. She's taking it all in. I go into my closet to change. I give her some sweats and a t-shirt to change into. She takes it gladly and heads to the bathroom to change. I flop down on my bed and check my phone.

"Are you coming to club tonight," Carmen had texted me earlier.

"Not tonight," I reply. Spencer comes back in the room and flops down next to me.

"So can I ask you something?" she asks.

"Yeah sure," I reply.

"What happened with you and Aiden? How did you guys break up?" she asks.

"Well we were umm supposed to have a baby but then I had a miscarriage," I say.

"I'm so sorry, Ashley," she says.

"Yeah and well eventually we just drifted apart. He stopped caring about me. I gave up on us, and we just ended," I say.

"So that's when you started liking girls?" she asks.

"It wasn't like that. I've always liked girls, but I like guys too. I just don't really believe in labels or anything. Just whoever I connect to, you know," I say.

"I understand," she says. "Ashley…"

"Yeah?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "Nothing." She grabs my hand and interlocks our fingers. "Thanks for coming tonight."

"Well it was refreshing to remember why I hate dances," I say. She rolls her eyes at me.

* * *

**Here's another chapter for you guys. How are you guys liking it so far? Is everything going too fast, too slow, etc? Anyway, I'm off to a job interview. Have a good day :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own South of Nowhere and all those good things**

** kirax29: thanks! I think it went well.**

* * *

I awake with a start. Sometimes I forget what it's like to have a warm, female body next to me. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Swinging my legs over the edge of the bed, I slip to the other side of the room, pressing my ear against the door and my body against the frame. Silence; my mother must not have been home and Kyla was probably still asleep. Spencer turns over, rustling the sheets. I smile at the small form under the sheets. I crawl back into bed, this time facing Spencer.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Morning," I say back.

"You know what I think," she says.

"What?" I ask her.

"I think we should go shopping today," she says. I roll my eyes.

"Sure, we can go shopping today," I say. She smiles. I'm slowly becoming familiar with this smile. My bangs fall over my face. I try to blow them away. Spencer laughs. She brushes them aside. Her touch gave me chills.

"Thanks," I say quietly. Spencer sits up. She runs her hand through her hair. Her hair falls across her shoulders gently. There is a knock on the door. "Come in," I say. Kyla walks in and leans against the doorway. She smirks.

"Good morning," she says cheerful.

"Spencer, this is my sister, Kyla," I tell her.

"It's nice to meet you," Spencer says in a soft voice.

"Ashley talks about you all the time," Kyla says. Spencer looks at me and raises her eyebrows. Kyla continues, "So I heard Aiden and Madison broke up."

"How interesting," I say sarcastically.

"You know you care," Kyla replies.

"Why did they break up?" Spencer chimes in.

"I don't know, something about how Aiden didn't like the way that Madison was acting," Kyla tells us. Spencer nods and looks at me. "Anyway, Madison is all broken up about it or something. She got drunk at some party and made a fool of herself."

"Poor Madison," I say once again sarcastically.

"We're going shopping. Do you want to come?" Spencer invites Kyla.

"Sure," she says excitedly. Kyla loves shopping so it doesn't come to a surprise to me. "I'll go get changed." She runs out of the room.

"I hope you don't mind that I invited her," Spencer says.

"I don't mind," I say. Spencer nods. She stands up and heads to the bathroom to change. While she's in there, I change as well.

Spencer offers to drive. I think she just likes driving because she always offers. She usually drones out when she does. She plays soft indie music, always. I sit in the front seat, and Kyla kindly takes the back.

Kyla and Spencer instantly become friends. They talk about literature and things I don't know about. This gives them a connection that Spencer and I could never have. I could probably try harder but then again, I don't see the point. It hasn't seemed to bother her yet.

"What about this?" Spencer asks holding a shirt up.

"Sure yeah," I say. Spencer sighs.

"You're not even looking," she says. I look at her. Kyla walks up.

"Aww that's cute, you should try that on," she says to Spencer. She throws a shirt at me. "Try that on. It will look cute on you."

"Fine okay," I say. Spencer and I head to the dressing rooms. There is only one left so she stands to wait. I pull her into mine. "Unless this makes you uncomfortable."

"No, it doesn't," she says. I pull my shirt over my head and throw it aside. Spencer is watching me. She notices me look at her, and she looks away. She starts changing herself. I put on the shirt that Kyla through at me on. I wait till Spencer is done and then we walk out to show Kyla together.

"They're both cute," she says. She has a huge pile of clothes in her hands. "So hurry and change so I can have your room." Spencer laughs, and I roll my eyes. We head back to the dressing room. I quickly pull the shirt up over my head, but it gets stuck on my bra strap.

"Could you help me out," I ask Spencer. She walks up behind me and untangles me. She helps me the shirt over my head. She runs her fingers across my shoulder. I get chills. Then she steps back and changes herself. I glance at her while she's changing. She's kind of pale but still beautiful. Her skin is blemish free, almost flawless. She gets done changing. We let Kyla take the dressing room. We wait for her on the couches outside of the dressing rooms.

"I really like your sister," Spencer says.

"I noticed," I say harshly. I'm not upset or anything. I don't know why it came out harshly.

"Are you jealous?" she asks hesitantly. I shake my head.

"No," I say quietly, "I'm not mad. I'm glad you like her."

"Good," she says. She grabs my hand and plays with my fingers. "Ashley."

"Spencer," I say back.

"I really like you," she says cutely. She looks at our hands.

"I really like you too, Spencer" I say.

"I think I might like you more than a friend," she says. She looks at me when she says this. She's trying to see my reaction. I'm not sure what to say. I'm not sure how I feel. She sees this in me. She drops my hand.

"I'm sorry," she says quickly, "I didn't mean to overstep."

"No it's okay. I just don't know…." I begin to say then Kyla walks out. She puts some clothes back on the rack and keeps some.

"I'm good," she says, "Are you guys ready?" Spencer nods and heads to the checkout. I want to finish talking to her, but she spends the rest of the time talking to Kyla and ignoring me. We get back in her car.

The drive to my house is filled with Kyla talking. Kyla does talk a lot, but she usually doesn't talk this much, which means she probably notices the tension. Spencer pulls up to our house. Kyla gets out, and I wait.

"Spencer," I begin to say. She waves her hand at me.

"It's okay," she says. She's not looking at me now.

"No, it's not. I just don't know how I feel right now. I could like you. I just need to think. I'm not like mad or upset or uncomfortable or anything like that," I say, "I really don't want to lose you. You're like my only friend."

"You won't lose me," she says still not looking at me. I can tell she wants me to leave.

"I'll see you later?" I ask. I desperately want her to say yes. I want her to ask if she can stay. I want her to not feel awkward around me.

"Sure," she says. I nod and close the door. She drives away. I walk slowly up to my room. I close the door. I turn on some indie music. I lay on my bed and think.

* * *

**I hope you guys liked the chapter! As always, I would love to hear your input. Have a nice day!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't not own South of Nowhere or any of those good things**

**A/N: Sorry guys this is up so late. I've been really busy! I'm already a week behind in school because I just moved and I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm trying to post as much as I can.**

* * *

Spencer won't text me back. It's been three days. She's been ignoring me at school. I get why she wouldn't want to see me, but I miss her.

"Spencer, please text me back," I text her. I wait. I wait. I wait.

"Hi," Spencer finally texts back an hour later. I smile. I'm glad she replied.

"Come over tonight," I tell her. It's more of a demand than a question. I want to make her feel like I still want her around.

"Maybe," she says. In hopes that she does, I clean up my room a little.

"What are you doing?" Kyla asks me.

"Cleaning up my room a little," I tell her. I pick up a shirt and hang it on a hanger.

"Why?" she asks. She walks into my room as sits down on my bed. She sits cross-legged and takes out her phone.

"Spencer might come over tonight," I tell her. She raises her eyebrow at me.

"What happened between you guys anyway?" she asks me.

"She…..she told me she liked me. You know, like in a more than a friend way," I tell Kyla.

"And what did you say?" she asks me.

"I said that I wasn't sure how I felt," I tell her. Kyla sighs.

"Ashley, are you serious?" she says annoyed.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Ashley, she seems to make you happy. You can't honestly tell me you don't know how you feel about her. You're like all smiley around. You definitely like her more than a friend so I don't understand why you aren't going for it," she says. I sit down on my bed. I don't know why I haven't gone for it. She's right. I'm starting to feel things again and a big part of it is because of her.

"I don't know," I reply.

"Well you need to think fast because I just got a text and apparently she's going on a date with Aiden tonight," she tells me. My heart sinks. I didn't really think she would do that or Aiden for that matter.

"How do you know?" I ask her. I'm curious to how she finds out this information in the first place.

"Spencer told me," she tells me. She looks at me.

"Are you guys like friends now?" I ask her. It's not that, that would bother me. I just wish that if Spencer was going to talk to one of us, it would be me.

"We talk every now and then," she explains. "Anyway, I hope she comes over." Kyla leaves my room. Then Spencer texts me that she is here.

"Hi," I say opening the door for her. She looks down at the ground.

"Hi," she replies. I lead her up to my room. She sits down on the ground and leans against my bed.

"So you're going on a date with Aiden?" I ask. She shrugs.

"Yeah, I guess," she says. She's still not looking me in the eye. I just wish she would look at me.

"Why," I ask. She looks at me now.

"Because I wanted to. He's a nice guy, and he asked me out so I said yes," she explains. I don't want to look hurt, but I feel hurt. She just told me she liked me, and now she is going on a date with my ex-boyfriend.

"Oh," I say. She tilts her head.

"You're not allowed to be mad," she says defensively.

"I guess not," I reply quietly. She shakes her head.

"I think I should go," she says.

"Spencer-"I begin to say. I don't understand why she won't stay. I don't understand why she is going out with Aiden. I thought she liked me. And now I know what I want.

"I'll see you later," she interrupts me. She stands up and heads for my bedroom door.

"Where are you guys going?" I ask before she walks out of the door. She sighs and turns to look at me while she answers.

"Some club. I'm not sure; I still don't know what everything is," she tells me. I nod my head. I want to tell her to stay. I want to tell her to not go on a date with him but to go on a date with me. I don't do any of these things. I watch her walk out of my door. I sit down on my bed. I feel sad. I feel angry. I'm feeling, but I don't want to. I grab my keys and walk out the door.

I want to do something destructive. I want to not feel. I head to Ego.

I drive there fast and reckless. I try not to act like I care. When I get there I head to the bar. I order a shot of tequila and take it right away. I don't want to go too fast so I order a martini next. I sip it slowly trying to calm down. I'm still angry. I look at the stage. It's some R&B band playing tonight. The dance floor is full of people grinding.

I spot Carmen. She makes eye contact but then looks back to the girl she is dancing with. I look away. I look around. I look at the door. I see them. I can't believe he's taking her here. This is my place. I order two more shots and down them. I head out to the dance floor. I pull Carmen into me. She grinds against my thigh. She leans in and kisses my neck. She's biting and sucking. I'm trying my best to get into it because this is what I want. This is what I need to do.

I see Spencer look at me. She looks hurt. She looks angry. She pulls Aiden into her and kisses him. I grab Carmen and pull her to my car. I drive back to my place. In the car she takes two lines of coke. When we get home I take the last one and pull her into my bedroom.

I pull my shirt over my head and pull my pants off. She does the same. I push her down on the bed and crawl on top of her. I kiss her neck and then make my way to her bra. I unhook her bra and throw it on the floor. I pull a nipple into my mouth and slide my tongue against it. I pull away and kiss down her stomach until I reach her underwear. I pull them off. I flick my tongue against her clit and her hips jump up automatically. I draw circles with my tongue and push two fingers into her. I curl them up in just the right spot when she moans. The moan turns me on a little so push into her deeper and start and slow pace.

"Ashley, go faster," she demands. She pushing her hips up to get more friction. I go faster. Her walls tighten, and I know she's almost there. I kiss up her stomach while still moving inside of her. I don't want to kiss her lips. I don't want to know that feeling. I suck on her pulse point instead and curl my fingers just right. She reaches climax and gasps. I help her ride out the orgasm slowly moving in and out of her. When I'm done she smiles at me.

"Can I do you now?" she asks. I shake my head no. I don't want this. She nods. She gets it. We do more coke, and I fall asleep.

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**I hope you enjoyed it. Have a nice day!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own South of Nowhere and all those good** **things**

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I wake up and notice that Carmen is gone. The room still smells like her though. I sit up slowly knowing that my head will hurt from all the alcohol I consumed last night. When I sit up, I notice Spencer standing the doorway. She looks upset.

"Hi," she says quietly. I pat the bed besides me. She nods and walks slowly over to sit down by me.

"Hi," I say just as quietly when she sits down. My head is hurting so much, but I don't want to show the consequences of last night to Spencer.

"So you slept with her?" Spencer asks. She must of have been here when Carmen left.

"Yeah, I did," I admit. She looks down. My head is still pounding, and I want to get some aspirin, but I know that I need to talk to Spencer.

"I should have never went out with Aiden," she says, "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," I reply.

"No, it's not," she says, "I'm so sorry. I know how you feel about him. I know that is wrong of me to do. It's just, I don't know, this whole liking a girl is new to me. And I was hurt when you didn't want to be with me. I just felt like I should have done something, you know," she explains. She's talking really fast. I'm trying to keep up but my head is spinning.

"It's not that I don't want to be with you; I do. I just think that you need to take some time and think if this is what you really want. I think I might have to do the same," I say. I'm trying to make clear and rational decisions about this, but I want to kiss. I want to hold her in my arms and fall asleep. I sleep better next to her. I feel better around. I want to be with.

She nods. "I guess you're right," she says.

"I'm sorry for sleeping with Carmen," I tell her quietly. This time I'm the one who isn't looking in her eyes.

"Does that happen a lot?" she asks. I'm confused now.

"Does what happen a lot?" I ask back.

"Do you sleep with girls a lot?" she asks shyly. I can tell she didn't want to ask it, but she need to know the answer.

"Every so often," I answer. She nods again. This conversation feels so heavy. I want to lighten it up. I want to make her feel better. I want to make myself feel better. "They never mean anything. I never actually feel anything with them."

"I see," she says.

"Let's do something today," I suggest. I want to get both of our minds off of this. I want to see her smile again. I want to be the reason she is smiling.

"Like what?" she asks.

"There's a fair by the beach. We could go there," I suggest. She lights up. I had learned that Spencer loves fairs the other day when I mentioned one that I went to as a child. She then told me about how much she loves them and the atmosphere and everything.

"Yeah we should totally go," she says as nonchalant as she can. I take a couple of aspirin in the bathroom as I try to compose myself from last night. I throw on a fresh pair of clothes and head back out to the fair. I drive this time. Spencer leans her head against the window and closes her eyes. I can tell she probably didn't get that much sleep last night.

When we arrive at the fair, Spencer jumps out of the car. I slowly get out, taking my time to see how impatient Spencer can. It's so comforting to see how easy we can get back to being comfortable with each other. Yes, there is a little tension, but we left most of it at my house this morning.

She pulls me towards all the action. There are riding rides and eating food. She brings me to the ticket booth. We both purchase some tickets and she drags me to the tilt-a-whirl. We wait in line for a bit.

"You're acting like a little kid," I say. She looks at me and frowns.

"I'm sorry," she says. She tries to settle down a little bit.

"No, it's cute. I like it," she smiles and gets excited again. We get inside the ride and she sits right next to me. I can feel her skin from her leg on mine. It's warm like always. The ride starts and we're spinning. The ride pulls me into Spencer, and I'm pushed into her side. She's smiling and having the time of her life. She wasn't kidding when she said she loves fairs.

"I love this ride," she says loudly so I can hear.

"Me too," I reply and watch her again. We get off the ride, and I'm slightly dizzy from all the twirling and spinning. I stumble and put my arm on her to steady myself.

"You okay?" she asks.

"Wonderful," I reply.

She takes me to get fair food because apparently it is part of the fair experience. We eat and then walk around for a while, taking it ll in.

The next thing she pulls me to is the Ferris Wheel. "I hate the Ferris Wheel," I mutter.

"Why?" she asks.

"It's like you could get stuck anytime like a million feet in the air," I say. She shakes her head at me. I get on anyway because I know that's what she wants.

"I'm glad we came today," she says.

"Me too," I reply as the ride jerks forward. We get higher and higher. It stops as it lets more people on. "I'm really sorry for everything."

"Shh," she says. She puts her finger to my lips. "Don't ruin it." She moves her finger gently across my lips and pulls her hand back. I'm not sure what comes over me. I feel something. Something big. I lean and kiss her. I kiss her hard. I kiss her desperately. She's shocked. She doesn't kiss back. I pull back slowly.

"I am so sorry," I say embarrassed. I want to get off the ride. I want to run and hide. I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack from my own stupidity. She laughs. She puts her hand behind my necks and pulls me in. She's kissing me now. I start kissing her back. She moves her lips slowly against mine. They're nice and soft. They're comforting. They feel safe unlike anyone else's before. We kiss and kiss until the ride comes to stop then we get off. She pulls my hand into hers and we walk to a picnic table.

"I thought we were going to take this slow and think about it," she says.

"We can take it day by day," I say because I know what I want. I want her. I just want to make sure she wants me too. She nods.

"Day by day," she repeats. "And where are we today?"

"I hope we're here," I say and kiss her.

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**I'm not sure how you guys feel about this chapter. I'm not even sure how I feel about it. Feedback is appreciated. Anyway, I hope you have a good day. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own South of Nowhere or any of those good things **

**A/N: sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. I've been really busy with school and what not. Plus, I have homecoming this weekend so this week is going to be real busy. **

* * *

"Spence, what if your parents walk in?" I ask in a whisper. She's straddling me and kissing my neck.

"I guess that's just a risk I'm willing to take," she says leaning in and kissing me. We hear a knock at the door. Spencer gets off me quickly and moves over to the other side of the bed.

"Come in," she says. Her brother Clay walks in.

"Hi, Ashley," he says nodding his head at me.

"Hi," I say back.

"It's dinner time," he tells us. He walks out of the door. Spencer smirks at me. We stand up and start walking to the door. Spencer kisses me one last time and then we head downstairs.

"Hello, Ashley," Spencer's dad says.

"Hi," I say back.

Spencer and I sit across from Glen and Clay. Her mom sits to the right of us and her father to the left. I've eaten dinner here a couple of times before. I never get used to it. I try my best to act civil and what not. Things with Spencer have been really good. I've been feeling good about everything for the first time in a long time.

Paula, Spencer's mom, has made it clear that she doesn't like me very much. Apparently, Glen has told her a lot about me. She tolerates me at this point. I'm hoping to get on her good side eventually.

"So Ashley, how was your day?" Paula asks me.

"It was okay," I tell her, "Busy." She nods.

"How about you, Spencer?" she asks Spence.

"It was good," Spencer replies, "We're working on this really cool production for Video Production." Her mom smiles proud at the fact that her daughter actually enjoys school. This is something I've always admired about Spencer.

"What are your plans for this weekend?" Spencer's dad asks us.

"We were going to go to a movie on Friday and then stay at Ashley's," Spencer tells her father. This was a lie. On Friday, we were going to some party at a cabin and then sleep there with everyone, but her dad bought the lie. Spencer lies to her parents easily. This doesn't make sense to me. She seems like the type of person who would be horrible at lying to her parents. She does feel bad about it though, which is another Spencer quality I admire. I'd never feel bad about lying to my mom.

We finish dinner with more awkward conversation. Then Spencer and I head back upstairs.

"You're becoming part of the family," she jokes.

"Yes, your mom loves me so much," I say sarcastically.

"She'll warm up to you," Spencer tells me.

"Sure she will," I reply. I sit down on her bed. It's almost eight. Spencer's mom hates it if I stay past eight on a school night. "I guess I should leave soon."

"Nooo, stay," she whines. I shake my head at her.

"Your mom will be upset," I say.

"I don't care," she says.

"I care. I want your mom to like me," I tell her. She sighs. She pulls me on top of her. She kisses me. I suck on her bottom lip gently. She runs her hands over my back. "Okay, I have to go now."

"Stay a little longer," she says quietly.

"Okay," I say quietly. She pulls me into another kiss. "I'm really happy with you." She smiles.

"Me too," she says. She rests her head against my forehead. This feels natural. This feels right. This feels normal.

We make out for about five minutes more until I force myself to pull away from her. "I really have to go now," I tell her. It's eight fifteen and I know her mom will be pissed if I don't leave soon.

"Okay," she says while she pouts. I kiss her cheek and leave her room.

"Goodnight, Ashley," Spencer's dad says when I walk down the stairs.

"Goodnight, Mr. Carlin," Paula walks up, "Goodnight, Mrs. Carlin." She stays silent. I quickly exit the house.

* * *

"So things with you and Spencer seem to be better," Kyla comments when I walk in the door.

"Yeah, they are," I tell her. She follows me up to my room.

"So are you guys like dating or something?" she asks me.

"I'm not really sure what we are," I tell, "I mean, her family is really conservative and all."

She nods, "Well your secret is safe with me."

"Thanks," I say.

"It's nice to see you smiling," she tells me. This causes me to smile ironically. "So are you guys going to the cabin party then?"

"Yep," I tell her.

"Cool, me too," she says. She leaves my room and heads back to her own.

I lie down on my bed and think about the night. It was a really good night.

I pick up Spencer from her house. Her dad tells us not to stay up too late. We say that we won't then we're off.

Like always we're basically quiet throughout the car ride. Even now, when we're really close, we are still quiet in the car.

When we get to the cabin the music is blaring. We walk in and everyone is making out and grinding. Aiden is in the corner with Kyla. They're talking with their hands and seemed to be engrossed in a conversation. Madison is making out with Glen in the middle of all the dancing. I wonder what he told Arthur and Paula to get here. I walk to the kitchen and pull Spencer behind me. She's not used to this kind of environment, and I want to make sure she's safe.

I hand her and a beer and grab one for myself. She smiles. We walk over to Aiden and Kyla.

"Hey guys," I say as I walk up to them.

"Hi," Kyla says cheerful.

We talk for a while until someone screams that they want to play spin the bottle. Aiden somehow wraps us up all into playing. There are about thirty people in the middle of the room and a big vodka bottle in the middle.

Some girl spins the bottle and it lands on a jock. She's pleased by this and goes in for the kiss right away. They pull away and the boy spins next. He lands on Kyla. Kyla is hesitant at first but then she kisses him. I don't know why we're even playing this game because Spencer and I both have people to kiss. Kyla spins the bottle and, thank goodness it doesn't land on me, it lands on Aiden. They give each other a quick peck. Aiden spins next. It lands on a different jock. The jock looks angry and so Aiden. "Nope, I'm out," says the jock as he stands up and leaves the circle. Some random girl goes and kisses him. Aiden is happy because of this. Then the girl spins. It lands on Carmen. I didn't even know she was this party. Carmen kisses the girl right away. She seems really into it. They pull away after a good minute or two. Carmen spins the bottle and it lands on me. I look at Spencer. I can tell she doesn't want me to kiss her. She must recognize her from that night. Carmen comes over to me and pulls me into a kiss before I can do anything about. She kisses me hard and passionate. I try to pull away, but she has a good grip on me. Finally, she lets go and it's my turn to spin. Out of sheer luck, it lands on Spencer. I lean and kiss Spencer. It's a slow kiss. We have gotten to know each other's lips pretty well. We kiss, but we don't pull away. I slide my tongue across her bottom lip. She makes an opening and our tongues meet. My hand reaches the back of her neck, and I pull her more into me.

"Spencer, what the hell are you doing?" I hear a voice say from behind us. We pull away. Glen is standing there looking angry. Everyone else in the circle is staring at us. Kyla is smiling, and Aiden doesn't look surprised. Carmen is pissed. Half of the jocks have boners that they're trying to hide.

Spencer stands up and pulls her brother aside. I get up to follow them, but Spencer stops me.

"Wait here," she says. I try to get her to let me come with, but she keeps telling me to stay. They disappear to the backyard. She leaves me in the kitchen.

Everyone in the living room has continued the game.

I hear yelling from the backyard. I go back there.

"I can't believe you, Spencer. She's turning you gay!" Glen yells are her. She looks so small compared to him.

"She's not doing anything," she says in a calm voice.

"We're going home!" Glen yells. He grabs her arm forcefully.

"No," she says loudly, "I'm staying here."

"We're leaving, Spencer," he says pulling her to the front of the cabin.

"Glen, she doesn't want to leave," I say to him standing in their way.

"Ashley-," Spencer begins to say.

"She's leaving," he says.

"She doesn't want to go," I tell him.

"Is there a problem here," Aiden says behind me.

"Spencer and I were just leaving," Glen says. He pulls her again.

"Glen come on," Spencer says, "You're overreacting."

"She's making you think this way," Glen yells at her.

"Dude, calm down," Aiden says. Glen pulls at Spencer again. Spencer says that she's not leaving once again. Then Aiden pulls Glen away from Spencer and punches him.

I grab Spencer's hand, and we run inside. I pull her upstairs to a bedroom and lock the door behind us.

"That was intense," I say.

"Yeah," she says quietly.

"Are you okay?" I ask her. She nods. She has tears in eyes. She nods. "Spencer, talk to me."

"It shouldn't be this hard," she says. A tear falls. I brush it away with my thumb.

"I know," I tell her, "It will be okay."

"How do you know?" she asks me.

"Look what a difference you've made for me. I don't remember the last time I truly smiled before I met you. This is meant to happen. We're supposed to be together," I tell her. She smiles.

"That's a good answer," she says. She sniffs.

"We're going to get through this, okay," I tell her. She nods. I pull her into a kiss.

* * *

**So I don't know if you guys like this or not. Tell me how you feel. Thanks for reading. Have a good day! **


	10. Chapter 10

**disclaimer: I don't own South of Nowhere or any of those good things**

**A/N: I'm sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. Also, I'll be doing NaNoWriMo in November so I won't be post during that month, but I should have another chapter up before then. **

* * *

Spencer kisses me hard. Her face still feels wet from the tears. She's pushing me back towards the bed. We walk backwards without breaking our lips. She pushes me onto the bed and gets on top of me. Things are going fast. I know Spencer. She doesn't want this to happen at some party after a moment like that.

"Spence, what are you doing?" I ask her. Spence. Spence. Spence.

It feels nice when I say it. It feels normal. It feels right.

"Kissing you," she says softly. She moves her lips to my neck.

"Yeah, but we've never done anything like this before," I point out.

"There's a first time for everything," she says reaching for the button on my pants.

"Spence, stop," I tell her. This isn't right. This isn't what she wants.

"What's wrong," she says after a deep sigh.

"Why are you doing this?" I ask her.

"I want to do this, Ashley, it's not like you haven't before," she says harshly.

"You're just upset," I tell her. I push her slightly so she'll get off of me.

"No, I want to do this," she says loudly almost screaming.

"Spencer, please, do you really want our first time to be at some party after a fight with your brother?" I ask her.

She sighs. "I just want people to leave us alone," she says quietly.

"I know," I tell her. I pull her hand into mind. "Things will get easier. We'll talk to him, together."

"He'll tell my parents," she says. She's about to cry again, "I just, I don't know if I'm ready for that."

"Then we'll wait till you're ready. We'll take everything slow, okay. There is no rush to come out. It's hard. I know," I tell her. She nods. I wipe the tears from her face.

"I am ready, though," she tells me, "Just not here and tonight but maybe soon."

"There's no pressure," I tell her, "Let's head back to the party, if you're ready."

She nods. We stand up. We walk downstairs and people are dancing. Spencer pulls me out to the dance floor. She grinds up against me. She doesn't care who sees.

Everyone starts to fall asleep around two in the morning. Spencer and I find a nice corner and cuddle up. My arm is wrapped around her torso. She pushes herself more into me so my head rests on top of her shoulder.

"Night, Ashley," she whispers to me.

"Goodnight, Spencer, I…." and then I stop. I almost told her I love her. I get overwhelmed with this feeling. Was I just going to say it because it felt right in the moment or because I really do love her.

"You what?" she asks.

"I'm glad you're here," I tell her. She nuzzles more into me.

"Me too," she says. I fall asleep listening to her breathing.

When leave early the morning so we don't have to deal with everyone's hangovers. We drive to my house. She wants to shower before she goes home so she doesn't smell like alcohol.

When we pull into the driveway, I notice my mom's car is gone so she's not here. Kyla was still at the party when we left so she's not here either.

"Do you want to shower first?" she asks me.

"No, it's okay. You can shower first," she nods. She heads to the bathroom. I hear the shower start. I sit down on my bed.

I almost told Spencer I loved her last night. I had to think about this.

I sit and contemplate what this means. I grab my guitar and strum a few chords. It helps me think. I start playing.

_Is this love _

_Broken eyes; broken hearts_

_Is this real _

_I've got no heart_

_How can I love _

_When all I know is loss _

I hear the shower turn off. I set my guitar. I could love her. I could be in love with her. She makes me feel more than anyone has. She makes me feel.

She comes out of the bathroom. She's scrunching her hair with the towel in attempt to dry it. She comes sit by me on the bed.

"Are you okay?" she asks me.

"Yeah," I say, "Why do you ask?"

"It's just you seem deep in thought," she tells me.

"Nah, I'm fine," I tell her.

"Okay," she says. She leans and kisses me. Her hand rests on my thigh. She pushes me slightly so I'm lying down on the bed. She moves on top of me. She's been doing this a lot lately. She sucks on my bottom lip. I moan softly. She pulls away and smirks at me. Her hair is still wet, so drops of water fall on my face.

"Shut up," I say. She giggles. She reconnects our lips. I rub her back while we kiss. She moves her lips to my neck. I take this time to move my hand under her shirt so I feel the skin on her back. I scratch her back. She sucks on my neck and bites every now and then. Every time she bites down, I moan quietly. She loves when I do this. I move my hand to her stomach. Her skin is soft and warm, and I want to feel all of it. I run my hand along her stomach, and she makes a noise.

"That tickles," she says.

"Sorry," I say quietly. She shakes her head at me and kisses me again. She pushes one of her legs in between mine. I start to grind against it slowly. Spencer kisses me harder at the contact. Then there is a knock on my door.

"Yeah?" I say.

"Are you guys home?" Kyla asks from the other side of the door. Spencer climbs off me and sits down next to me.

"Obviously," I say because she just heard me reply. She opens the door.

"Did you guys have fun?" she asks.

"Yeah it was okay," I reply. She nods. "I'm going to hop in the shower."

"I'll keep Spencer company," Kyla says. Spencer smiles. I'm still glad that they're friends."

* * *

**What are your guys' thoughts on this chapter. Did you like it? Do you want things to go faster/slower? Feedback is appreciated. **


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